The Mummy Diaries – Is it easter holiday time already?

JUST WHEN you think you’ve got this parenting thing in the bag and you start to feel smug you’ve nailed the morning routine – your youngest will wait until you’ve finished dressing her before pouring Ribena down her front and your eldest announces he needs to go to playschool as some farm animal today, saying – “Can I have a dinosaur costume mummy?”

That’s after you’ve had the tumble dryer going until past midnight the night before because the playschool uniform was clattered in what you hoped was chocolate!

Oh and you’ve heard, “Mummy? Mummy? Mummy!!!!!!” 50 times before 8am.

Ah yes, don’t be fooled – and even after all that, when you are again lured into that false sense of security and started to look forward to those few hours in the morning where you can clean, skype, work or even dare I say chill – that’s when you hear the dreaded words from the playschool teacher…

“Morning Jamie!” Greets the teacher.

“Hi.” Replies Jamie while racing through the door.

“Bye then!” I shout after him while turning to walk out the door.

“Oh Emma?” Says the teacher.

(Uh oh, what’s he done? I was thinking. Has he been naughty? Has he been cheeky? Naughty words?)

“Yes?” I ask optimistically.

“Just a reminder that it’s the Easter holidays starting next week so the play school will be closed for two weeks on Monday.” The teacher states.

“Ah yes, thanks for letting me know.” I replied smiling.

Fox. Ache.

I would have taken the naughty words speech better I think. Two weeks holidays already?!

Is it just me or does anyone else have mummy anxiety at the very thought? Having to go back to keeping the kids entertained again, while remaining in a 5km exercise limit, seeing nobody and going nowhere. It actually maddens me how these lockdowns have actually made me dread the thought of my kids being at home all day. I used to love and look forward to the holidays so we could go and visit family and friends, go to the cinema, have play dates, go swimming or even just take the bikes to the beach and have a picnic. I don’t mean plan and do things every day but it made the days at home more enjoyable and definitely less stressful.

The worst bit of it is having to try and explain to Jamie the play school is only closed for two weeks for holidays and not because of Covid. Jamie panicked when the playschool closed for the weekend after the first week, never mind a fortnight!

Well, actually that’s not the worst bit. The worst bit is actually coming up with ideas that keep the kids amused that doesn’t involve me getting involved. Don’t judge! You all know what I mean!

“Mummy will you play with us?”

Fox. Ache. And while I’m frantically making up some important excuse while scrolling through Facebook for ideas, I see that Janet up the road is currently taking selfies of her and the kids building a tent in the back garden together and having a picnic.

“Err, okay, why don’t we play…”

“No Mummy, you sit there, and here, have this!”

Great. As usual I get the naked Barbie that looks like she’s been on an all-night bender with one arm missing.

Next, you sit quietly (because you’ve been told not to speak!) while you watch your kids act out some horrific plane accident in which Peppa Pig, Barbie and Ken die a bloody violent death. Now I understand what actually happened to Barbie’s arm in a previous incident.

And it goes on and on and on. Forever.

“Okay, Mummy’s just got to…” I say optimistically.

“Awww no Mummy! Stay and play! Here you can be Daddy Pig coz he’s big like you.”

Fox. Ache.

And you basically have to sit there in the hope they get bored. But they NEVER get bored of re-enacting the same Peppa Pig and Barbie hostage takeover. EVER.

The only way to get out of said takeover, is to suggest making a snack. Sometimes that doesn’t even work. That’s when you need to pull out the big guns.

“Who wants to play on Mummy’s phone?!”

And just before you click on the Kids Tube app you see a Facebook notification..

“What a wonderful afternoon spent with the kids, laughing, playing..”

Up yours Janet.


Bad mummy. Go straight to the naughty step.


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