The Mummy Diaries – the mystery of the new naughty words!

The Mummy Diaries – the mystery of the new naughty words!

by Emma Hargan
article from Thursday 18, March, 2021

AM I THE ONLY ONE on tender hooks, clawing our way to Easter? I keep thinking if we can just get to the Easter holidays without the Covid cases spiralling out of control, then maybe we can start to see some light at the end of the tunnel. 

I felt so sorry for Jamie last Friday night when he went to get his bag ready for play school in the morning. I explained that it was the weekend and he has two days off now. I could see the panic in his face when he asked me if the pandemic was back again. I tried to explain to him that the play school was just closed for the weekend to give everyone a wee rest before starting another week. Or in a four-year-old’s case, it’s easier explained in sleeps.

“You have three sleeps to go until play school again.” I said.

Jamie nodded but I’m not sure he believed me. This is the kind of effect the lockdowns are having. And I was one of the lucky ones. Over the course of the first week back, I witnessed other parents having a terrible time trying to get their wee ones to go back. It was heart breaking to watch some of the kids crying and asking to go home. But as the days passed, the crying eased and by the end of the week, they were all running through the door without looking back.

Ah yes, that delightful time when the kids get back to play school, we can get back into some kind of normal routine and relative peace restored for at least three hours of the day. 

Although this time it’s different. So much time has passed since the kids were altogether, I mean for Jamie it’s been six months. Six months in a toddler’s life is massive! Those cute little halflings that would spoil us with kisses and cuddles before running through the nursery doors have grown. They’ve learned new things, new skills and new words. 

I suppose with lockdown, siblings of all ages have been trapped together in a house where tensions will have been running high at times. There’s been home schooling, boredom, rowing, fighting and name calling for everyone at some stage, I’m sure. 

So, it comes as no great surprise that after a week back at play school that Jamie’s vocabulary has, let’s say expanded slightly.

“Lily? Let’s have a race on our bikes!” Says Jamie.

“No, I’m busy.” States Lily.

“LILY COME ON!” Shouts Jamie.

“No Jamie, I said I’m busy!” Shouts Lily back.

“You’re a rat bag!” Roars Jamie.

“MUMMY! Jamie called me a bat mag!” Cries Lily.

“Jamie, no that’s naughty. You don’t call anyone a rat bag.” I said.

Fox. Ache. What the heck’s a rat bag anyway? That’s a new one on me!

And then the following day..

“Mummy, I’m bored.” Says Jamie.

“Why don’t you go and get the Lego box out?” I asked.

“Nah.” Jamie replies.

“Some colouring in?”


“Why don’t you go help Lily tidy the toy box?”

Jamie wanders over to Lily and just as I was about to be surprised that he was actually going to help her..

“Lily you’re a dirty dog.” Jamie says.

“MUMMY! Jamie called me a berty bog!” Lily cries.

Fox. Ache. 

“Jamie! Where did you hear that? That’s not nice.” I said.

“Sorry Mummy.” Jamie replies.

And so it begins. I never thought I would have this problem until Jamie started school. Naturally Lily will probably hear things at a younger stage because of Jamie.

That evening, when James came home from work, I was telling him about Jamie coming out with new words and calling Lily names. James reaction was the same as mine and said that this would happen as the kids got older and agreed that we need to just try and nip it in the bud whenever we hear it. Great! On the page!

After dinner, we got tidied up and Jamie was telling James all about his morning at play school and that he had been chatting to Granny on Skype in the afternoon and they were playing outside for a bit.

“I’m going up to run them a bath ok?” I said. (Code for – I’m leaving the room now for a bit so if anything happens to the kids, it’s your fault!)

“Okay.” James replied. “Right who wants to play hide and seek?” James asked the kids.

I went upstairs to run the bath and get their clothes sorted for the morning.

“Right guys, bath’s ready!” I shouted.


“Jamie! Lily!”


I started walking downstairs to an eerie silence. Then the next minute..

“GOT YA!” Shouts James.

Jamie bursts into giggles, pushes James and runs off.

“Hey you wee rat bag!” Shouts James chasing after him.

“You’re a dirty dog!” Shouts Jamie.

“No you’re a dirty dog!” Replies James!

Fox. Ache.

And there’s me blaming the playschool! 

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