The Mummy Diaries – When is it okay to mention the ‘C’ word?

The Mummy Diaries – When is it okay to mention the ‘C’ word?

by Emma Hargan
article from Friday 2, October, 2020

HELLO OCTOBER! At the risk of causing a public outcry and outrage, I’m going to talk about the ‘C’ word in my blog this week. Sorry. Yes..


That’s what you were thinking I was talking about right? Ahem.

I’m fed up of all the doom and gloom and yes, it’s awful and we seem to be going backwards in fighting this disease instead of forwards, but we NEED to focus on something to look forward too and what better occasion to pick!

I’m so excited this year because Jamie and Lily have been asking about Santa, the elves, the reindeers and how it all works. And of course, the presents. The great thing about all the questions is seeing their wee faces of concentration while I’m explaining that Santa lives in the North Pole and on Christmas Eve he travels around the world in his sleigh and delivers presents to all the girls and boys that have been good throughout the year. The not so great thing about all the questions is usually the timing.

Ten minutes late for playschool. Jackets on, bags on, lunch packed.

‘Mummy, I need to pee!’

‘Okay, quick!’



Then there’s the awkward questions..

'How do I become an elf?’

‘Err.. Well you need to go to big school to learn how to make toys and you need to live near the North Pole.’

Stares out the window..

‘Mummy? How can Santa’s reindeer and sleigh fly?’

Ok easy.. ‘Magic dust’

‘How can Santa fit down the chimney?’

‘Mmm, he starts doing Joe Wicks exercises before Christmas.’

Mummy starts to feel the pressure.

‘What does Santa do when it’s not Christmas time?’

'Err, Santa watches all the boys and girls and makes sure they are behaving and being good.’

(Realising that I’ve just described some crazy, creepy weirdo that spies on kids!)

‘Even when we go to pee Mummy?’

Fox ache.

Okay, who wants Smarties?!’


‘What do windmills do Mummy?’


‘Windmills make electricity to switch the lights on.’

‘Aaagh okay.’

Situation deflected. There really should be some kind of parenting handbook for this. There is a definite gap in the market!

So, having read up online and got the ‘official’ answers on how to become an elf, how Santa fits down the chimney, what Santa does with his time when it’s not Christmas and everything in between so I’m prepared for the next interrogation, I wondered what was to come next.

What’s next? Well, next comes the thing I said I would never do. Lie to my kids. But sure if you are going to do it, you might as well make sure they are complete whoppers!

'Right, if you don’t stop climbing, then Santa won’t bring you any presents!’

‘Okay Mummy.’

‘Eat up all your veggies, Santa’s watching!’

‘But.. okay Mummy.’

And the clincher..

‘If you don’t stop fighting and let Mummy finish the Joe Wicks exercises, Joe will have to cancel his show and Santa will stay fat and won’t be able to fit down the chimney to deliver presents!’

‘Sorry Mummy. Windmills make electricity!’

‘That’s right!’

Like I said, whoppers, but we have to do what we have to do!

Now I know it’s only October, but I figured seeing as it’s not looking hopeful that we are going to go back to some kind of normality before Christmas, I might as well try and be organised and give the kids an extra special time as it’s been a rough year.

Last week the children’s bible arrived through the door or in other words the new Smyths Christmas catalogue arrived! This would kill an hour or so without fights and rows while they flick through the pages of toy heaven and I can feel my bank balance emptying with every page turn! And it totally worked. I actually managed to get the hoovering done and the floors washed before the first fight broke out because Jamie said Barbies were rubbish.

‘Okay, Lily. What are you asking Santa for this year?’

‘Show you Mummy!’ Lily says all excited while grabbing the catalogue off Jamie.

Lily points to a bike and a Peppa Pig house. Phew, okay straightforward enough.

'Jamie? What are you asking Santa for?’ I ask.

Jamie has a think. While I try to distract Lily away from the catalogue.

‘It’s okay Mummy, I don’t need the book.’ Jamie says.

‘Oh, okay. So, what are you asking Santa for this year?’ I ask again.

‘I would like a toaster and a microwave for my kitchen.’

Easy enough.

‘Some chocolate.’


'Oh and a windmill.’

Fox ache.

And me? Well I'll be asking Santa for a fat bank account and a thin body. I’m hoping he doesn’t get them mixed up like he did last year!

Anyone selling a windmill?


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