The Mummy Diaries: Two Babies – week 42

The Mummy Diaries: Two Babies – week 42

by Emma Hargan
article from Tuesday 9, April, 2019

AH, THOSE MAGICAL memorable moments as a parent. You know, the ones where your baby smiles for the first time? When they roll over for the first time? When they start to crawl? Take their first steps… Sing a song... Count to ten... Say their first swear word…

Yes, there’s nothing quite like enduring the embarrassment of your little cherub sitting all angelic, looking like butter wouldn’t melt – and then it happens. Of course, it has to happen in the most densely populated area possible to suffer the full mortification of it all.

I suppose the first time it happened was a couple of weeks ago. At the time it was bad but at least it was in the house without anyone else hearing! I accidently left the door to the downstairs toilet open and I knew something was up as the house had gone very quiet – alarm bells! 

I went through to the toilet where Jamie was lying on the floor playing with the toilet brush. Lovely. I sighed, and was about to say what Jamie so elegantly whispered, ‘For fox ache!’ 

I couldn’t believe my ears. My instinct was to roar at him, but then I thought it better to not react at all. I thought if I ignored what he had said and not make a big deal out of it, he might forget the word altogether and I would take this as a lesson – not to be swearing anymore!

That evening I told James what had happened and his reaction was the same as mine. James thought I must have misheard, but I explained it was as clear as day and impressivelywas said in the right context. I’m not condoning what Jamie said for one second but at least he said it at the right moment. Mmm, actually maybe that’s not a good thing?

Last Sunday, we decided to go for a run in the car as the weather was so nice and we had a full day where we didn’t have to be anywhere. We decided to go for a walk along the pier and show Jamie the big boats and trawlers. With having the buggy-board now, it is so handy to take the kids anywhere and it gives Jamie the freedom to walk as much as possible and then it buys us some time whenever he gets tired. We had a lovely walk along the pier, Jamie loved watching all the boats and walking along himself like a big boy. We then headed up the town for a nosy around the shops before heading back to the car. 

By this point it was lunchtime and we only have a small window of about 30 minutes before the subtle whinging of hunger reverts to full blown melt down by Lily. You wouldn’t normally hear a peep out of Lily. She is so content and happy to be ferried about in the pushchair looking around – except when she’s hungry. That’s when you see the wrath of Lily. Unfortunately, I have to say she takes this trait from me! We quickly decided to stop in at a local hotel for a bite of lunch and then we would have time to go for a walk along the beach before heading home. Great idea – or so I thought!

That’s pretty much where our lovely day out took a turn for the worse and didn’t really recover.

We arrived at the hotel to find the car park was jammed full. James decided to drive around and luckily, a car was just pulling out of a space as we were approaching. We unloaded the troops and all the equipment that goes with them and headed into the hotel. As expected there was a queue to get into the restaurant, but it was moving quickly – thankfully for Lily! 

“Table for two and two high-chairs please?” I asked.

The waiter looked round the packed restaurant and spotted a table right in the middle that would have the space around it for the two high chairs. 

“Follow me.” He said, handing us some menus.

We got the kids settled and occupied with rattles for Lily and crayons for Jamie to buy us some time until the food arrives. I ordered the kids food straight away and the waiter was over with their dinners before James and I had even ordered ourselves. Brilliant! Some peace and quiet for the next 20 minutes.

Our dinner was lovely and the fact the place was buzzing with people coming and going and the waiting staff floating about steady kept Lily amused for a while longer after the food had been devoured. The waitress arrived to clear our plates away and asked, “Would you like to see the dessert menu?”

“Oh yes please.” I said smiling. I mean that’s the best bit, is it not!

I ordered two ice creams for the kids and James ordered his usual cheesecake but I couldn’t decide. I mean, seriously, how do you choose between a Malteser Surprise and a Ferrero Roche Sundae?! 

“And for you?” the waitress asked.

“Err, let me see…” I swithered.

“Jes, make a choice already!” James says.

And then the little angelic voice of Jamie pipes up, “For fox ache!”

Now, when I tell you that the restaurant went from noisy and buzzing to being able to hear a pin drop, it wasn’t exactly a Kodak moment. James and I looked at each other, our faces beaming red, I tried to pretend I didn’t hear and ignore what Jamie said but I could tell the waitress didn’t know how to react and either wanted to run off in disgust or burst out laughing. 

“Err, I’ll take the Sundae please thanks.” I said without making eye contact.

I turned to James and said, “Oh my God, what are we going to do with him, that’s was so embarrassing!”

“We don’t do anything”, he said, “If we react, he’ll know it’s bad and keep doing it. You definitely need to watch your language from now on as he’s obviously picking it up from you.”

If that wasn’t a swearing moment, I don’t know what is.

We quickly finished our desserts and scarpered out of the hotel before Jamie decided to grace us with any more delightful new phrases he’s learned.

On the way home in the car, the kids had fallen asleep and looked so peaceful and like butter wouldn’t melt. James was right about one thing. It’s definitely better not to react otherwise Jamie would just keep saying it.

“Yeah, you definitely swear more often than me, you don’t do it that much but I don’t think you know when you do it.” James says.

“Oh is that right, well what do you suggest we replace it with then?” I asked.

“Just don’t say anything, keep it to yourself.” James suggests. 

“Fine”, I said, trying but failing to not come over all huffy.

We arrived at the beach and the kids had woken just at the right time. Lily was happy to get back into the buggy as she hates the car seat and Jamie was having a ball having the freedom to run about mad without having to hold my hand. The beach was nice and quiet and the weather was lovely so we spent a good while walking round and let Jamie burn off some energy before heading back to the car. Unfortunately, Jamie twigged that we were heading back and was furious as he was having such a good time. Cue a toddler meltdown. James managed to get Jamie back into his car seat and I got Lily settled into hers and we headed for home. 

On the way home, I was thinking, what a lovely day. Apart from the swearing incident in the hotel, the kids were good and it was nice to spend the day out together as a family. Just at that point, a car flew out of the junction in front of us onto the hard shoulder and then proceeded to pull out again in front of our car, narrowly missing us!

“Fox Ache, is Stevie Wonder driving that thing!” James roars.

Yip, I thought – but apparently it’s me that’s got the swearing issues in our house!!!

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