The Mummy Diaries: Two babies – Week 34

The Mummy Diaries: Two babies – Week 34

by Emma Hargan
article from Monday 11, February, 2019

GRANNY ON BOARD! Thankfully, Mum arrived this week to spend some quality time with the kids. Ha! Little did she know that I had been waiting on her staying so I had help with the toilet training, tantrums and other lovely stuff that living with a toddler involves. To make matters worse, we have no spare room at the moment until James finishes the attic conversion, which means she is sharing a room with Jamie. This is not intentional torture, it’s just unfortunate logistics.

Granny arrived last Monday all fresh faced and excited to see the kids. Jamie and Lily were super excited and delighted to see her. Jamie was actually shaking with excitement and spent the whole evening showing off his toys and books and naturally came across as a wee cutie and a delight to have in the house. That sounds terrible – Jamie is a delight to have but as you have possibly read before, he also has the spawn of Satan tendencies or to put it into general terms – he’s just being a toddler! Mum said to me, "I read your blog last week and it was great but you really need to watch your language in case Jamie starts to repeat what you say."

"Mmm yeah", I replied.

This last week has been like something out of Paranormal Activity – just waiting on it to get worse as each night goes on…

Night One – 8.00pm

Jamie’s been bathed and Granny is summoned to take him upstairs and tuck him into bed. Kisses and cuddles, then he rolls over. Granny walks back down the stairs, "Oh what a wee angel, he’s so good!" she says.

"Mmm yeah", I replied.

Day Two – 4.30am

Jamie is having a 'party' in his room and all I can see are the lights getting switched on and off.  I go through and Mum is lying with the duvet over her head and Jamie is running around mad. "Get back into your bed now Jamie!" I roared. Jamie then flings himself back into his bed and scrunches up his eyes pretending to be sleeping. "Oh leave him alone", Mum says, "He’s only playing."

"It’s 4.30am in the morning!" I cried. "Oh I didn’t realise", she replied.

Lights off. 20 minutes later and it all starts again.

By 9.00am, Mum is on her third coffee, while Jamie is running around on a sugar rush after he’s had his usual bowl of Cornflakes, but then gets a bran scone with butter and jam, then the remains of Mum’s Tesco’s Finest range lemon yohurt. "Oh he’s full of beans this morning isn’t he?" Mum says.

"Mmm yeah", I replied, "He’s on a sugar overdose."

"Ah, leave him, he’s allowed a wee treat when I’m here!" Mum says.

Night Two – 8.00pm

Granny is summoned to take Jamie to bed. Cuddles, kisses and rolls over. Granny walks back downstairs. Jamie gets out of bed. Granny walks back upstairs to put him back into bed. Jamie starts to cry.


Granny makes an appearance downstairs and says, "I think I’ll just head to bed as it might be another early start."

Day Three – 4.00am

I wake up to hear Mum singing, "The wheels on the bus go round and round..."

I pop my head into Jamie’s room to find Jamie lying on Mum’s bed. "I’m sure he’ll fall back asleep again", she says.

"Mmm yeah", I replied.


"Baby shark do do do do do" Mum sings.


Mum is now singing the Crazy Frog. Either that or she’s having some kind of fit.


"Get back into bed Jamie and close your eyes!" Mum says.

Breakfast time, and everyone is fairly silent due to the lack of sleep. "We should start Jamie on the toilet training today." Mum says. "I’m sure he’ll get the hang of it in no time."

"Mmm yeah", I replied.

Night Three – 8.00pm

Granny is putting the waterproof sheet on Jamie’s bed. The washing machine is going full pelt with six new outfits that have been peed on – and worse. Jamie goes over to his Granny so she can tuck him into bed. Mum by this point was looking wrecked. I offered to take him but Jamie went crazy as he wanted Granny to take him. "Ok, let’s go", Mum says.


"I’m off to bed", Mum says.

Day Four - 1.12am

Lily starts to cry. I go through to her room and she has lost her dummy. I put the dummy back in her mouth and go back to sleep.


Jamie starts to cry. I hear footsteps. Silence.


"The wheels on the bus go round and round..."


"Well done Jamie!" I hear Mum saying from the downstairs toilet. "Yeah brilliant Jamie!" making a big fuss of him. Success.


"Come on Jamie!" Mum says, "You need a pee pee?" Jamie takes his Granny's hand and walks through to the toilet.

"Wow, that’s brilliant!" I said.

2 minutes later...

"Oh shit!"  Mum shouts!

I run through to the bathroom and Jamie is sitting on the toilet and there’s a pile of poo on the floor with a big footprint in the middle of it.

"Those are my good slippers!" she says.

A packet of Dettol wipes later and after clearing up of the pile of poo that looked like something out of Jurassic Park I offered to make mum a coffee.

"Would you grab the milk out of the fridge for me please?" I asked Mum.

Mum walked over and opened the fridge door, where the block of butter fell off the top shelf and smacked Mum on the head.

"For f##ks sake!" Mum shouts.

"Mmm yeah", I replied.


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