The Mummy Diaries: Two babies – Week 31

The Mummy Diaries: Two babies – Week 31

by Emma Hargan
article from Tuesday 22, January, 2019

IT NEVER gets any easier. Taking one of your babies to get their vaccinations. Now I know I have to be cruel to be kind and they don’t have a clue what is going on, but I’m always sick to my stomach on the day. It was Lily’s turn but I wished I could take them for her. Three jags. Three! What could possibly be worse than your baby getting jags? Your husband getting a jag, that’s what!

Aside from the jags it was pretty run of the mill week last week. The usual routine of stripping-off in the middle of the day and flashing at the passing neighbours from the window; licking all the clean dishes in the dishwasher before placing them neatly back in their place; and building a climbing frame out of Lego at the stairgate instead of sleeping. No – not me! Jamie. He’s still up to his tricks but now we’ve moved on to another new phase. 

Before, Jamie would have done all of these things but when I walked into the room or raised my voice, he immediately flinched and either started crying, ran off – or even pretended to be asleep. Suddenly, we’ve reached the “What’s she raving about now?” phase. This involves not giving a shit, basically. Jamie doesn’t even pretend anymore. He just batters on with whatever he is doing regardless of what I say. It’s another delightful toddler stage. 

James (seen above being a dirty shucker) thinks it’s hilarious. He comes home from work and asks about our day. I tell him what Jamie and Lily have been up to and raise my concerns I think our son is going to grow up to be a challenge. He just laughs and says, “Don’t be daft, he’s just being a wee boy!”

That’s it you see, I’m used to girls. I was one of three girls in our house and all my cousins on my mums’ side are all girls too. We used to sit playing with dolls, play hide and seek and watch The Goonies and learn the dance to Michael Jackson’s Thriller. We were angels. 

Well, apart from the time we came up with a good idea at making money for something we really wanted. We went around the neighbours’ doors telling people we were raising money for charity. We did pretty well, up until one neighbour asked us what our charity was and my sister said she wanted a new bikini! 

Oh yeah and that Christmas Eve when we were warned not to be up before 6.30am. My grandparents were coming over in the morning to see us open our presents and they were waiting on a telephone call from Mum to say we were up. My sister and I woke at 4.00am and I thought it would be a great idea to wind all the clocks forward in the house to half six. It wasn’t until we had opened all our presents and my parents turned on the telly to discover it was only 5.30am that we were busted. 

Okay, well, maybe not exactly angels. But we never flashed at the window! Er, anyway….

So, as I said, it’s been a relatively normal week. The only difference this week is Lily was booked in for her six-month jags on Friday and James was booked in at the dentist for the same day. Jamie also has creche on Friday’s so it was a bit of organising, but I was pretty sure I had it all sorted.

9.00am – Drop Jamie off at Créche.

9.15am – Do the weekly food shop.

11.00am – Unpack shopping and do housework.

12.30pm – Drop James off at dentist.

12.45pm – Collect Jamie from Créche.

1.15pm – Collect James from dentist.

1.30pm – Then, no James

2.00pm – Still no James

2.15pm – James staggers out to the car

“Bloody hell, that took some time!” I said, while trying to amuse Lily and listening to the fifth re-run of Baby Shark on my phone.

“Aw don’t shwpeek to may!’ James mutters. 

“Eh?’ I said. “That booger in der gi me a jag and I gut a filling!”, James splutters.

Trying not to smirk, knowing rightly what he had said the first time, I asked James, “What?”

“I gut a jag! I can’t shwpeek popperly!” he slabbers. “Ah, it’s orrible, I’m not well!”

In my head I’m actually beginning to realise why women have babies. If it was up to men, the population would simply die out! We drove home in silence, well, to the sounds of Baby Shark in the background.

We arrived home and I had to get Lily changed and organised for her doctor’s appointment. I got her vaccination booklet looked out, a dummy and a rattle to keep her amused. Sorted.

“Now, are you sure your well enough to watch Jamie?” I said to James sarcastically.

“I shwood be awight for a bit.” He replied.

Try having a bloody C-section! I said in my head while walking out of the door with Lily.

We arrived at the doctors with five minutes to spare. The waiting room was packed and the Receptionist told me we were next to see the Nurse. I found a seat and got Lily settled on my knee where she sat happily watching all the goings-on in the waiting room. Ten minutes passed and still no call. A woman walked into the waiting room with a wee boy who looked to be the same age as Lily. She sat across from me and smiled as if to say we’re in the same boat here. Another ten minutes passed and still no call. Lily was sitting as good as gold watching everything going on. Unfortunately for the poor women across from me, the baby boy was getting fed up and started whinging and crying. She tried everything from toys to dummies and then finally a bottle. The wee one was having none of it and I could see the poor lady was getting so stressed. She smiled over at me and I made a face that hopefully said, ‘I know what it’s like.’ While being grateful that it wasn’t Lily who was playing up as it could have been so easily.

The buzzer finally went for the Nurse and I quickly bundled Lily up and walked down what felt like The Green Mileto get her injections. I knocked on the door and walked into the room, where the Nurse apologised for the wait and told me they had an emergency to deal with. The Nurse was lovely and was chatting away to Lily who was smiling away, totally unaware of what was about to happen.

So, three injections later. Lily was amazing. She didn’t even flinch with the first two jabs. It was only on the last one she started to cry and the Nurse actually said to me that this one stings a bit. Before we left, Lily was smiling away at the Nurse who actually said, “Ah don’t be smiling at me, I’ve been horrible to you!’”

On the car journey home, Lily fell asleep and I was so glad it was over. We arrived home and I took Lily straight upstairs to her cot. When I got back downstairs, James was lying along the sofa and Jamie was sitting on James phone watching a robberytaking place on YouTube! 

“For God’s sake!” I cried while grabbing the phone from Jamie. “What?” James said. “He’s watching God knows what on YouTube while you are lying there dying!”

“That’s exactly right, you’ve know idea what this is like, it’s awful! James replied. 

“Give my head peace!”

After getting Jamie’s dinner organised, I heard Lily making noises. I got Jamie sat at the table and headed upstairs to get Lily. She was lying in her cot smiling away at me. The Nurse had told me to give her some Calpol if she got a bit grumpy in the evening. I took her downstairs and fixed her bottle. She took the bottle and I got her changed and into her bouncer where she fell asleep again. I was about to take Jamie to bed when James landed down the stairs and put the kettle on. 

“You feeling better?” I asked. “Not really.” He replies. “How many jags did you get?” James replied, “Two and it was bad enough!” he said.

I looked down at Lily who was sleeping soundly and thought to myself, I think James needs the Calpol more than she does, the big baby!

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