The Mummy Diaries: Two babies – Week 22

The Mummy Diaries: Two babies – Week 22

by Emma Hargan
article from Tuesday 20, November, 2018

I WAS CHATTING to a good friend the other day and she asked me if I ever had one of those days when you feel as though you’re failing at, well, everything? 

As in being a wife, a mother, a housekeeper?” I asked. 

“Yeah exactly!” she said. 

“No never, everything is just perfect pretty much all the time.” I replied.

Jamie and Lily wake up at around 9.00 am every morning so me and James can sleep on. They calmly allow us to make Jamie’s breakfast and Lily’s bottle while sitting in their chairs smiling away. Jamie feeds himself without spilling a drop and Lily has her full bottle and is winded without any hassle afterwards. 

Never do they wake up at 6.00am in the morning screaming the house down and while preparing Lily’s bottle, with me being pelted by Cheerio’s and sliced banana. Jamie never launches his spoon across the room, then eats the Cheerio’s with his hands before pouring the remaining milk all over the floor. Lily would never get fussy after taking a couple of ounces and never spews the remaining milk over me. No, never.

After breakfast and once the dishes are cleared away, I leave my kids to play while I run upstairs and grab their outfits for the day. I come back down to find Jamie lying on his changing mat, all ready, so I can change his nappy and get him dressed for the day. Once I have Jamie sorted, he then goes through to the bathroom where he brushes his teeth while I get Lily changed and dressed for the day. Never do I leave the breakfast dishes lying in the sink until teatime and quickly wipe down Jamie’s chair with a wet wipe. Never do I have to race up the stairs as fast as my legs can carry me so I don’t come back to find Lily lying flat out in her bouncer while Jamie is trying to do a head stand on the coffee table. 

Never do I have to rugby tackle my son to the ground while wrestling the pyjamas off him and then hold him to the ground like I’m making a citizen’s arrest while changing his nappy before he pees all over himself, then me. Never would I have to stop Jamie from holding on to the bathroom tap while he’s brushing his teeth so the water sprays everywhere and my bathroom then resembles a swimming pool changing room. No, never.

We then spend the morning singing Disney songs, playing hide and seek, peekaboo, reading stories and doing baby yoga until lunchtime. Never would I plonk my kids in front of Finding Nemo while I load last night’s dishes into the dishwasher and then have to bribe my son with chocolate buttons so I could re-wash the clothes I left in the tumble dryer that are so creased they couldn’t even be ironed. Never would I pop Jamie in the play pen while I sort the poo-covered baby grow in the washing machine off the pile of wet towels lying on top to be dried. Never would I have to roar the words, ‘Get your hands out of the toilet!’ or ‘We don’t stand naked at the window!’ on a daily basis. No, never.

The three of us then sing nursery rhymes while I prepare a lunch of fresh salad and fruit for me and Jamie and prepare Lily’s bottle after. Jamie then gets into his chair and gobbles up all his veg and fruit, before telling me thank you and handing me his empty plate. He then goes off to have some ‘free play’ while allowing me to feed Lily. Never would I throw a portion of spaghetti hoops and sausages into the microwave because I’ve lost track of time and Jamie’s whinging as he’s starving. Never while I’m preparing Lily’s bottle do I have to scream at Jamie to stop hanging on to my leg while pouring Ribena over the cream rug. Never does Jamie blow raspberries at me when I put his lunch in front of him and launch it on the floor. No, never.

The afternoons can vary somewhat depending on the weather. Some days we’ll get jackets and hats on and head out for a nice walk, before putting Jamie and Lily down for their afternoon naps, while I paint my nails or chill out watching a film. Other days, Jamie helps me bake buns while Lily sits giggling in her bouncer before treating ourselves to one before the kids snuggle down for their naps. Never would I grab Jamie straight out of the highchair after his lunch and onto the changing mat before he has a chance to run away, so I can get him upstairs to sleep. Never would I be screaming, “This is supposed to be bloody fun!” while I’m wiping cake mix off the radiator and window after Jamie’s had a scadge because I won’t let him eat raw cake mix. Never would I have to spend 10 minutes soothing Lily because Jamie’s melt down upset her. No, never that.

Dinnertime is such an utter joy. Lily lies snoozing away in her crib while Jamie has more ‘free play’ and potters with his Lego in the sitting room while I get the dinner sorted. I’m able to prepare whatever I like as Jamie eats pretty much everything so it can be anything from steamed fish and vegetables to a roast chicken dinner. James then arrives home from work to his dinner on the table and the kids happy and fed so to allow us to eat our dinner and chat about our day. Never do I have to throw yet another frozen pizza into the oven ten minutes before James walks through the door. Never do I have to stop Jamie from slamming the kitchen door in his Daddy’s face as he thinks it’s funny when Daddy gets home. Never would I have to bribe my son with ice cream if he eats all his dinner. Never would I have to use sign language to tell my husband to just start his dinner before it gets cold as the kids are roaring at the top of their lungs. No, never.

James then usually spends a bit of time playing with Jamie while I clear away the dishes and make lunches for the following day. James will then tell Jamie it’s time for a shower and Jamie races up the stairs with James so he can get changed and washed. I usually prepare Lily’s bath and get her changed and settled into her crib so I can then sit with Jamie and read a book before bedtime. Jamie then gives everyone a kiss and heads upstairs to bed where we never hear from him until 9am the following morning. Never do I have to roar at James to stop throwing Jamie about after his dinner so he doesn’t boak all over the place. Never does James have to carry Jamie upstairs while he’s having a meltdown as he doesn’t want to get a shower. Never do I have to listen to what sounds like a herd of elephants upstairs, while Jamie is having a full-on tantrum in refusal to shower. Never, would I leave the dinner dishes in the sink overnight and never leave making James lunch five minutes before he walks out of the door in the morning. I would never crack open a bottle of wine on a Monday night just to relax as I’ve had a tough day. I swear, never.

And that’s my day generally.

So, I think the thing to take away from this is, if you’re doing all the things above like me, then you’re getting on perfectly. And if you don’t have time to read blogs on how to be the ‘perfect’ wife, mother and housekeeper, then check out all the Facebook status and Instagram posts you have on your timeline – as everyone else does it all perfectly!

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