The Mummy Diaries: Two babies – Week 13

The Mummy Diaries: Two babies – Week 13

by Emma Hargan
article from Tuesday 18, September, 2018

WELL, IT’S OFFICIAL! I’ve been outsmarted by a two-year-old. My mistake? Treating my toddler like he has the intelligence of a baby. He’s not a baby – he’s a toddler! Boss baby doesn’t even have a look in!

It all started at the beginning of the week. Monday morning. Jamie was more tired than usual as he had now had his first couple of days in the creche the week before and we had been out most of the weekend. We were out of our normal routine and trying to get the naps back on track. This meant Jamie was cranky. When Jamie’s cranky, he’s naughty. When Jamie’s naughty, he gets a warning. This usually unfolds into a meltdown, then a screaming match and ultimately, a time-out in the playpen. 

Jamie has well and truly grown out of the playpen but we decided to keep it in the form of a naughty step. I emptied all the toys out of it and whenever Jamie’s naughty and continues to be naughty after a warning, I put him in it until he calms down. Now obviously I would have to pick my battles, otherwise he would be in the playpen all day! So, I would only put him in there if he was doing something that he could hurt himself. For instance, when I’m cooking dinner and he’s getting under my feet or he’s climbing up on the kitchen table. 

After the warning, Jamie knows he’s getting put into the playpen so will run away as fast as possible and scream while I put him in. He usually cries for a couple of minutes and then calms down. At this point I lift him out and ask him to say sorry (which he never does but it’s worth a try!) and give me a cuddle (which he does) and off he goes. Until the next time.

It didn’t take long before Jamie had his first spell in the playpen that Monday morning. He had found a wooden spoon and was swinging it about next to Lily. I told him to go into the sitting room away from Lily or give me the spoon? He roared some kind of baby swear word at me and ran off. Two minutes later he was back in doing the same thing. At this point I told him one more time and he’d be going into the playpen. Five, four, three, two, one – and in the playpen he went! A whole five minutes of roaring and crying went past. Then calm. I went through and he had his arms up with teary eyes. I lifted him out and got a cuddle and he went over to his toy box to play. 

A short while later, I was giving Lily her bottle and the next minute Jamie had climbed up onto the arm of the sofa and was attention seeking by flicking the light switch on and off. My neighbours would be thinking I had turned my house into a bloody nightclub! I told Jamie to get down but he just looked at me and carried on. I stood up and put Lily into her crib and went after Jamie, who at this point knew he was in trouble and legged it out of the room! After two laps around the hall, kitchen and sitting room, I caught up with him and fired him into the playpen while I could finish giving Lily her bottle. Jamie was furious and cried until I was finished feeding Lily. This was pretty much how the rest of the day went.

After James left for work on Tuesday morning, Jamie was happily playing with his toys so I decided to wash Lily’s bottles and get some washing done. I walked into the hall and found Jamie building a climbing frame with his toys so he could get over the stair gate. I told him no, that’s naughty and moved the toys back into the toy box. Jamie was furious and started putting all the toys back out again. I lifted him up and put him into the playpen before he made a run for it. 30 seconds later and silence. Strange. I went back into the sitting room and there was Jamie sitting in the playpen happily playing with his Buzz Lightyear toy. James must of put the toy in there before he left by mistake I thought. I reached in and lifted Buzz out as this totally defeated the purpose of the naughty playpen. Naturally Jamie went ballistic. Again after five or so minutes, he calmed down and I went through and lifted him out and he cuddled me.

Now, when I tell you that my son is a genius, I don’t mean that he’s going to be the next Einstein. More like Houdini, but Jamie just needs to work on his distraction techniques! 

Lily was snoozing in her crib and Jamie was happily playing in the next room. I thought this would be a good time to get a bit of work done while the two of them were settled and quiet. I gathered my stuff and sat down at the kitchen table to my laptop, where I could keep an eye on them both. It wasn’t long before I caught Jamie looking up at me and then he would turn away and continue to play. He did this a couple of times, which I thought was strange. The next time he did it, I made sure I looked away so he couldn’t make eye contact. He then stood up and I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. 

He went over to his toy box and lifted out his Buzz Lightyear and Woody toys, walked over to the play pen and put both toys in, nice and quietly, keeping an eye on me the whole time. 

I continued to pretend I wasn’t noticing. The next thing, he climbed up onto the sofa, looked right at me and pushed a picture I have on the wall so it started swinging from side to side nearly falling off!!  The little devil knew he was going to be naughty and had decided he would be prepared in advance for the next playpen session by having a couple of toys in there to keep him occupied.

Crafty isn’t the word. 

Underestimated, definitely. There’s me blaming James for putting toys into the playpen, when all the time it’s our little Houdini here, putting the toys in quietly and then doing a disappearing act before we see him! I’m going to have to up my game. At least before Lily gets to the same size and then I’ll have the two of them to outsmarting me!

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