Jamie and book Square

The Mummy Diaries – Questions and fibs!?

EVERY MILESTONE that a child hits is special and something to remember. There are some milestones that are super special! I am so relieved to say that since Christmas, Jamie’s speech has come on massively and his speech and language therapist has now told us that Jamie is now where he should be for his age. Whoop whoop! Jamie has worked so hard and I am so proud of him and I know he is happier in himself at being able to communicate without the frustration of people trying to work out what he has to say.

Of course, in true ‘life’ style, when one area of your life starts to come together, another falls to pieces. I am about to lose my mind. I think I am spending about 20 hours out of the day Googling. And no, I’m not looking up sunny travel destinations or looking at ‘going out’ outfits for when we can actually go out for a dinner or a few drinks. No. I’m Googling things like:

  • Why is the sky blue?
  • Why can’t dogs talk?
  • How do frogs poop?
  • Where is the best place to go during an earthquake?

Mmm. Now as much as I’m delighted at my son being able to chat away, I am struggling to keep up with all the constant questions. And frankly feeling totally thick and uneducated when my four year old looks at me like I SHOULD know these things.

The worst time is bedtime. It starts off well…

Q.“What are we doing tomorrow Mummy?”

A.“Busy day tomorrow Jamie.”

Q.“Am I going to playschool?”

A. “Yes.”

Q. “Is it going to be sunny tomorrow?”

A. “I think so.”

Q. “Can we go to the beach?”

A. “No, we’ll not have time tomorrow.”

That’s when it starts.

Q. “How deep is the sea Mummy?”

A. “Deep”

Q. How do boats float when they are so heavy Mummy?”

A. “Errr..”

“Night night Mummy!”

Fox. Ache.

Now, there are SOME questions I am actually fit to answer and Jamie’s face is a picture when I do.

“Mummy? What’s 2 + 1 + 6 + 49 million equals?”

“49 million and nine.”


“How many more sleeps until I go to big school?”

(Thinks) Right, big school is starting in September, that’s four months. Average 4 weeks in every month, that’s 16 weeks, so that’s err..  Shit I need my phone.

“Oh I hear my phone ringing, hang on!” I say.

“I don’t hear it Mummy.” Jamie replies.

“Okay, 112 sleeps!” I roar while running out of the bedroom door before I get asked anything else.

Of course, there are some questions that every parent has a God given right to make up the answer to. I mean, it is totally acceptable to tell the odd wee white lie, right? I’ll give you an example.

The Ice Cream van shows up ten minutes before you are about to serve up the dinner.

“Mummy, can we have some pennies for an ice cream pleeeeeeease?” Asks Jamie and Lily with their hands out.

“Do you hear that music that the van is playing?” I say.

“Uh Huh.”

“Well the ice cream man plays that music when he’s run out of ice cream.” I state.

“Awwwww.” They both say while wandering off.

Don’t judge! You’ll start saying it now too.

Oh and the other one..

“Can we go food shopping with you Mummy?” They ask.

“No.” I reply.

“Awww, why Mummy?”

Because I want an hour away from feeling like I’m spending 24 hours a day on Mastermind and my head being wrecked!

I can’t say that, so I reply, “You can’t go shopping at the moment because of the pandemic and Asda has banned all kids just now.”


Okay, so there is a bright side and yes there are some white lies we can get away with just now. In fairness I do get some respite when Jamie goes to play school. Those teachers must have degrees in general knowledge! Oh and just for the record so your prepared for your four year olds questions..

Why is the sky blue?

Gases and particles in Earth’s atmosphere scatter sunlight in all directions.Blue light is scattered more than other colours because it travels as shorter, smaller waves. This is why we see a blue sky most of the time.

Why can’t dogs talk?

Dogs can’t talkbecause the lack the mental ability to connect sounds with words. They make different sounds and they seem to understand certain words, but they simply cannot figure out how to make their joyful bark into words.

How do frogs poop?

Frogsexcrete or poop anywhere they want when they feel like. They are not like humans. Frogs can even poop in pool water or when parched on walls.HAHAHAHAHA!

Where is the best place to go during an earthquake?

COVER your head and neck (and your entire body if possible) underneath a sturdy table or desk. If there is no shelter nearby, get down near an interior wall or next to low-lying furniture that won’t fall on you, and cover your head and neck with your arms and hands.

And kiss your ass goodbye! (That last part was not on Google.)

You’re welcome.


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