Today’s Thinking

Mr Eugenides
Smoking: a crime worse than urinating on someone's shoes

Smoking: a crime worse than urinating on someone's shoes

SMOKING, like politics, brings out the worst in people. But it’s not smokers I find objectionable; it’s the joyless bastards who are trying to drive it out of our society that I really hate. I’m ...

Mr Eugenides
The Guardian, Butane Gas or Nitrous Oxide – choose your own poison

The Guardian, Butane Gas or Nitrous Oxide – choose your own poison

THERE WAS a jolly little story in the papers recently that alerted us to some strange goings-on in the lovely German university town of Gottingen. In recent days, cannabis plants have started springing up on lawns, ...

Mr Eugenides
Bert Trautmann; the Good German

Bert Trautmann; the Good German

ENGLAND has lost one of its greatest Germans. Every football fan knows the story of Bert Trautmann, the goalkeeper who helped his team to win the 1956 FA Cup Final despite a broken neck. But ...

Mr Eugenides
Forget Snowden and Greenwald's motives – state spying is the issue

Forget Snowden and Greenwald's motives – state spying is the issue

I ONCE had to spend five hours in transit at Moscow’s Sheremetyevo airport. It wasn’t a a lot of fun. The café I fetched up in sold two kinds of sandwich: a square of brown ...

Mr Eugenides
Miliband's battle he can't afford to lose – in so many ways

Miliband's battle he can't afford to lose – in so many ways

“GET TO FALKIRK”. A conveniently vanilla version of the classic Scottish “GTF”, it’s perfect for those too proper or polite to use the earthier, more direct word “fuck”, even when you’re basically telling someone to ...

Mr Eugenides
Susan Boyle, plastic bags and Andy Murray – is that all there is?

Susan Boyle, plastic bags and Andy Murray – is that all there is?

WRITING A weekly column, even one as unfailingly mediocre as this one, isn’t as straightforward as it may look. Coming up with a new topic to be outraged about each and every Saturday isn’t easy. ...

Mr Eugenides
Just how intolerant of opposition will the new Scotland be?

Just how intolerant of opposition will the new Scotland be?

ONCE MORE this week, Nigel Farage came north to stump for UKIP in an election campaign, and once more he was sent homewards to think again. Hotel bookings were cancelled after threats, tea with the ...

Mr Eugenides
Iain Banks: a distinctive voice I'll miss

Iain Banks: a distinctive voice I'll miss

I'M NOT AN emotional man, and I seldom cry, except occasionally when I ask a girl out on a date and she phones the police. But I’ll admit to coming close, very close, last Sunday ...

Mr Eugenides
The night I shared a bedroom with Ruth Davidson

The night I shared a bedroom with Ruth Davidson

IT WAS MANY years ago now, but I still remember that night in Ruth Davidson’s bedroom when she got naked. Let’s back up here, lest I be misunderstood. After a drunken student night out, you see, ...

Mr Eugenides
Internet censorship; first they came for porn, then they came for your opinions

Internet censorship; first they came for porn, then they came for your opinions

MARK BRIDGER is a vile man. We may never know for sure what he did with April Jones, but all the signs point to sexual abuse, followed by murder and dismemberment of the five year-old’s body; ...

Mr Eugenides
No self-loathing Brighton College leftoids here, please

No self-loathing Brighton College leftoids here, please

THE EYES of the world were focused this week on east London and the horrifying events in Woolwich; today, they will turn to north London, where tens of thousands of Germans were flying in last ...

Mr Eugenides
Mad, swivel-eyed loons deserve defending

Mad, swivel-eyed loons deserve defending

TODAY'S Telegraph splashes with the news that one of David Cameron’s “closest allies” has attacked Conservative Party members as, quote, “mad, swivel-eyed loons”. Over on Twitter – which, for the blissfully uninitiated, is a social ...