Lockdown life, naughty Daddy and Jingle Bells in April!

Lockdown life, naughty Daddy and Jingle Bells in April!

by Emma Hargan
article from Friday 1, May, 2020

The Mummy Diaries

ANOTHER WEEK in lockdown survived. I actually think the kids are at the point now of just accepting this as their new life. Jamie hasn’t asked to go to playschool once this week and Lily hasn’t asked to go in the car to Belfast (she loves the burgers in TGIF’s!). OMG – TGIF’s!??

So what’s been happening this week? Well, the usual time spent on trying to make up games which lasts about five minutes before they get bored or start fighting. Jamie has discovered more ways in which he can put things up his nose and Daddy spent a bit of time on the naughty step – Ha!

I’m now a week into my 90-day plan and so far, it’s all going well. The weekend was by far the toughest, especially missing out on wine o’clock and a giant bag of Doritos on Friday night – mental killer! But I didn’t cheat and stuck to my plan, so I felt like I had achieved something. Although, I did try and take a sneaky peek on the sad step (scales) and after losing half a stone last week, I’ve managed to put four pounds on again!

FOX. ACHE!!!!!!

Then after angrily scrolling through the plan details and wondering where exactly I had gone wrong, I found this..

don’t be surprised if you find you actually gain weight or stay the same weight in the first few weeks because you are building muscle. This is why I advise you to stay OFF the sad step. You will feel it in your clothes first before you notice anything on the scales.”

Ah, okay, well saved Joe.

So another week of HIIT sessions, vitamins, feeling like I’ve done ten rounds with Mike Tyson in the ring and then spending any spare time I have in the kitchen prepping meals. The key is to prep like a boss. Apparently.

Remember a couple of weeks ago we had the incident with the pea up Jamie’s nose? And then stupidly, I thought he got such a fright with it, he wouldn’t do anything like that again?  Yeah, well, I was wrong. This week we were enjoying our lunch of beans and toast. I turned my back for 30 seconds and when I walked back into the kitchen, there was Jamie.

“Look Mummy!” He said giggling.

A baked bean wedged up each nostril. Lovely!

“Jamie no!” I grabbed a tissue. “Blow your nose!” and thankfully the beans made an appearance while Jamie fell on the floor in hysterics.

“Deep breaths.” I told myself while walking away and resisting the urge to not make a big deal out of it. Lily of course was giggling away thinking this was great fun. I still thought again, that will be the end of it now. Ha!

Later that afternoon, I think Jamie was just on a mission to visit A&E. He tried to stick his dinosaur’s tail up his nose, then spoons and Lego. I just managed to get through the worst of the plug patrol phase and now this. That was until the inevitable happened, Jamie was running through the hall with his dino toy sticking out of his nose when he fell over.

“Great, how am I going to explain why he has half a dinosaur lodged up his nose to the doctor!” I thought while racing over to Jamie. Just at that point, with Jamie in tears and me looking up his nose with a torch, James walks in through the door.

“Daddy!” Roars Lily while running over to him for a cuddle.

“What’s wrong with Jamie?” He asked.

“Aw he was running with a dino toy stuck up his nose and he fell.” I explained. “He looks okay though, fortunately it wasn’t the Brontosaurus.”

“Jesus Christ, he could have really hurt himself and we don’t want to be having to go to the hospital now of all the times!” James said frantically.

And at that, Jamie rose to his feet. “Naughty words Daddy! Get on the step now!” He commanded.

James looked at me gobsmacked.

“Well, you heard him.” I said while trying to contain myself. “We don’t say naughty words, go to the step.”

James put Lily down and sat himself on the stairs.

“Stay there until you say sorry Daddy.” Jamie announced. And the pair of them sauntered off all proud of themselves.

James looked up at me and said, “How long do I stay here for?”

“Until you’re ready to say sorry.” I said sniggering.

A few minutes later and James told Jamie he was sorry for saying naughty words. And dare I actually say it, but it’s been the best thing that could have happened. It’s been four days and no more nose incidents. Maybe it’s put him off, but I’m still on high alert anyway.

The other test this week was listening to Alexa non-stop. Now whether I love her or hate her, she has been a God-send in improving Jamie’s speech. I got an Alexa as a Christmas present and I think the kids have gotten more out of it than anyone. The great thing about it is she doesn’t work unless you speak properly and clearly. This is perfect for Jamie as he is so stubborn, if she doesn’t understand what he’s saying, Jamie will stand and repeat himself over and over again until Alexa plays the song he wants. For example,

“Abexxa?”

Silence.

“Abecca?”

Silence.

“Alexa?”

Ding!

Jamie’s face lights up while the penny drops with what he’s supposed to say.

“Alexa?” Ding! “Play Shape it aff by toy swift please?”

Silence.

“Alexa?” Ding! “Play Shape it aff by toy swift please?”

Silence.

“ALEXA! Play Shake it off by Taylor Swift please?”

“Shake it off by Taylor Swift on Amazon Music.”

Result! And Jamie and Lily spend the whole song dancing around the kitchen. After that Jamie knows to say ‘Repeat’ and Alexa will repeat the song over and over. Now Taylor Swift I can cope with on repeat all day. Even the Wheels on the Bus and Twinkle Twinkle is bearable. What isn’t bearable or acceptable is Jingle Bells. It’s April and it’s THE most annoying song in the world after 20 times on repeat. Especially Frank Sinatra’s version of it which is all Alexa seems to have with a tap dance bit in the middle. I think I could probably do the freaking tap dance now after listening to it so much. So another day in lockdown and by lunchtime I was ready to crack up if I heard Jingle Bells one more time.

(Alexa) “On a one horse open sleeeeeeeeeeeigh!”

“Repeat!” Shouts Jamie.

“NOOOOOOOO! No repeat Jamie, it’s April, Jingle Bells is for Christmas time. Pick another song. Any song!”

Jamie looks at Lily and then up at Alexa.

“Alexa? Play Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer please?”

Uuuuuuugh!

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