The Mummy Diaries: Two babies – Week 45

The Mummy Diaries: Two babies – Week 45

by Emma Hargan
article from Tuesday 30, April, 2019

Baby Brain. 

A state of impaired memory, concentration, or mental agility supposedly experienced by women during pregnancy or after giving birth.

THIS IS THE OFFICIAL DEFINITION of pregnancy brain or baby brain but I’m pretty sure it’s called Mumnesia after the baby is born. It is a scientific fact that pregnancy can alter a women’s brain for up to two years after giving birth and actually reduces grey matter in the women’s brain. Unfortunately, in my case, the grey matter might have reduced in my brain but it is now showing up in my hair!

I thought baby brain was something that was just a pregnancy affliction. I have to be honest and say I’m pretty relieved to hear that it can still hang around for up to two years after birth. I thought I was starting to show signs of early Dementia or Alzheimer’s. I would do things like walk up the stairs and then forget what I walked up the stairs for. I would leave keys or my purse down somewhere and then totally forget where I put them and then more worryingly, after I find them eventually, I can’t remember leaving them there in the first place. Sure, during my first pregnancy with Jamie, James and I found it quite funny and just put these silly moments down to ‘baby brain’ and had a laugh. By now though, even James thinks I’m a total nutcase when I’m roaring that I don’t know why his ‘good’ t-shirt has been put in the bin instead of the laundry basket and that our kids have turned me into a complete idiot!

Yes, I think it’s safe to say that at this stage the only reason I have a brain at all is because it’s impossible for me to misplace it.

I think the symptoms of Mumnesia start off with little things so you don’t really notice that your becoming a basket case until your well into sixth months after having your second child. 

Stage One. 

It starts with things like making a cup of coffee, leaving it down somewhere you can’t remember. Did I drink it all? So then you make another cup of coffee, leaving it down somewhere… You get the idea and this goes on all morning. 

Other subtle symptoms include losing keys. This where you blame everyone else in the house for the three hours you spend hunting high and low, only to discover they are in your back pocket the whole time. Whoops! 

Then last but not least, you forget to take dinner out of the freezer. Not just once or twice but pretty much every night until you can no longer look at another frozen pizza for as long as you live.

Now you may be thinking, well you don’t need to have ‘baby brain’ to do some of the above. These things can happen to anyone? Well, yes, they can. This is when the Mumnesia really kicks in. 

Stage Two. 

You can no longer leave the house without some kind of list. Then you need to set a reminder on your phone to remember to bring the list. 

Next, you forget what year your kids were born until you figure out what year we are actually in at the moment. 

You can’t remember why you walked in a room and have to retrace your steps in an attempt to remember, but it’s no good. That is until you’re half way through changing the baby’s nappy and then realise you needed wipes. Fox Ache!

Next, you start doing things like forgetting to put the leftover dinner in the fridge the night before and you come down in the morning and it’s nearly ready to walk itself to the bin. 

You put your son’s tracksuit bottoms on back to front in the morning and it’s not until you’re in the most public of places to discover why he looks like MC Hammer.

Then we reach…

Stage Three.

This is my current stage. The stage I think you reach after your second baby. This stage where the shit gets real. 

You have absolutely no clue when you got married and can barely remember which month it was never mind the year. 

Sometimes you just space out for no reason at all. 

Every plant in the house is dead. 

You stop talking half way through a sentence because you have forgotten what you were going to say. 

You have to search your contacts to get your own phone number. 

You re-arrange the furniture in every room, not because it’s more practical but just so it doesn’t feel like you’ve been trapped in the same four walls for more than five days in a row. 

And last but by no means least, you lose one of the kids in the house for a short time on a daily basis.

Sure, in the beginning my husband thought it’s all quite funny and actually endearing. By now though, after I’ve burned making beans on toast three times in a row because I got lost in the drama of ‘The Gruffalo’, I’m pretty certain James thinks I’m just batshit crazy.

Yes, I’m confused most of the time and yes, I forget things I shouldn’t be forgetting. If you don’t know what I’m talking about then you probably have Mumnesia too. If you do know what I’m talking about then saddle up as it’s about to get a lot worse. There’s a vicious rumour going around that Mumnesia NEVER goes away!

This week, we are giving the toilet training another try with Jamie. One of the good things about having Mumnesia is you forget how much of a frigging disaster the last attempt was. 

Day One. Four loads of washing later, the house looks like it’s been burgled as I’ve not had a minute to do any housework, Jamie’s running around with no clothes on and all I can smell is pee. As a safe bet and to avoid any more ructions, I spent the last hour making Jamie’s favourite dinner, pasta twirls with tomato (and hidden veggies) sauce. I blended up some for Lily and we all sat down at the table to eat when Jamie pushed his plate away and says, ‘No!’ 

“I thought you said this was Jamie’s favourite dinner?” James turned to ask me.

“It was last week! Or was it Lily’s?” I said scratching my head.

“Err, who are you again?”

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