I honestly thought I was doing well this year. I had started the shopping early and had my lists written. Each week I had bought something that meant I didn’t have a mad rush and expense" />
The Mummy Diaries: Two babies – Week 26

The Mummy Diaries: Two babies – Week 26

by Emma Hargan
article from Wednesday 19, December, 2018

AH, CHRISTMAS TIME. A time for families, watching Christmas movies, partying with friends, eating, drinking and being merry. Eh? Now I’m beginning to understand why Mum’s get so stressed out at Christmas. Yes – all Mums. Regardless of the kids being 2 years old or 22 years old, it’s stressful and I’ll explain why.

I honestly thought I was doing well this year. I had started the shopping early and had my lists written. Each week I had bought something that meant I didn’t have a mad rush and expense nearer the time – which happens pretty much every year! By the start of December, I had everything done and dusted, apart from the wrapping and the cards that is, but that’s the easy part, isn’t it?

Last weekend, we decided to start the visiting and deliver some of the presents. Saturday morning and for once the kids decided they were having a long lie – class! Well, I say a long lie, they slept until 8.00am which is a long lie for me these days. James took Jamie downstairs to get his breakfast organised and I got myself ready and took Lily down to get her bottle. 

Lily guzzled it down her as usual but Jamie wasn’t one bit interested in his cereal which was unusual. He had had his creche Christmas party the day before so I just figured he’d eaten a load of sweets and crisps and wasn’t bothered about breakfast. James lifted him out of the chair and he ran off in good form to play with his toys.

After breakfast, I ran upstairs to get the kids clothes looked out. I had only just looked into Lily’s wardrobe when I heard James shouting, “Emma! Open the stairgate for me quick!”

I ran out of the room to find James holding Jamie at arms-length trying not to gag! 

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“He’s skittered all over himself and it’s all down his legs and up his back! I’ll need to get him in the shower.” James replied.

“Oh okay, he’s probably just eaten that much rubbish at his party yesterday.” I said, slightly relieved that it was James that was doing the cleaning up this time! 

I got Jamie’s clothes looked out and I left them upstairs for James to get him sorted. Meanwhile, I set about getting Lily ready for the day, the nappy bag packed and the presents and cards organised for James’ family. An hour later and we were out of the door.

We headed in to see James’ dad, his sister Caroline and her boyfriend, Stephen. We just caught James’ dad before he was running out of the door to give him his pressie and card, but Caroline and Stephen were staying in so I got the kids sorted and Caroline put the kettle on. We exchanged presents and had just sat down to have tea when Caroline grabbed Jamie and lifted him up for a cuddle. I had Lily in my arms and turned to grab my tea when all I could see was the grossest thing I have ever seen in my life. The only way I can explain this is, a diarrhoea waterfall! Jamie had filled his nappy and then when Caroline had lifted him it just poured out of the top of his nappy, running all over Caroline’s arm and then proceeded to hit the floor!

“Oh my god!” I cried, “Don’t move!”

“What?” Caroline shouts.

“Aw Jesus!”shouts Stephen.

“James help!” I exclaimed!

Then the smell hit us…

James grabbed Jamie and carried him through to the bathroom and put him straight into the shower. Poor Caroline was clattered in, well, shit.

I put Lily down and grabbed the wipes out of the nappy bag and tried to help Caroline clean up, who at this point couldn’t even speak through gagging. Stephen had done a runner out of the room as he had been on his works Christmas night out the evening before and was feeling green at the gills as it was! Caroline took Lily and I went to help James sort Jamie out. I didn’t have a change of clothes for Jamie so he walked out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a nappy and his coat and boots!

I was mortified. James of course thought it was hilarious and was winding his sister up telling her, “I bet you didn’t think you’d get shit on today!” Thankfully, Caroline saw the humour in it all and I’m sure Stephen did too once he stopped boaking in the bathroom! 

We got the kids stuff together and made a quick exit before Jamie had any more accidents and headed straight home. Of course we were laughing about what had just happened. Little did I know that in a few hours, we would be laughing on the other side of our faeces, sorry, faces.

That evening, after the kids were bathed and in bed, I poured James and I a glass of wine and sat down to chill and watch a bit of telly. I was just starting to relax when I heard Lily making a funny noise in her crib. I quickly walked over and the poor wee soul was retching to be sick. I lifted her out and leaned her forward and she was sick, and sick, and sick some more! After an hour of trying to work out if it was maybe teething, or the banana porridge she had that morning, James announced he wasn’t feeling great either. Uh oh.

After eventually getting Lily settled and sleeping, James and I dragged ourselves upstairs where we spent most of the night passing each other on the way to the bathroom to throw up. The whole house had ‘The Bug’. Oh if Caroline and Stephen had seen us now I’m sure they would be thinking – Karma!

The following day was a write-off. Jamie was the only one feeling well. The rest of us were just trying to get through the day, but luckily by the evening time, we were starting to come around. It took all my energy in thinking, just keep the kids alive today, tomorrow will be better. I decided to keep Jamie home from creche this week as I didn’t want him spreading the bug around and I also didn’t want him coming home with any more diseases. The creche had sent an email out warning of an outbreak of Scarlet Fever. No thankyou – especially over Christmas!

After a full day before of dried toast and water, Jamie was feeling much better so I thought I would give him some soup and a sandwich for lunch and see how he got on. I put the pan on the hob and switched the hob on and BANG! The kids burst into tears and I nearly jumped out of my skin. I switched the hob off at the wall and rang James to tell him what had happened. After a long explanation by James that the hob ring had blown when I had turned the power on and this had tripped the electrical switch at the mains in which I needed to put back on, check the power was going to the oven, the fridge and the rest of the kitchen appliances, I responded with…

“So the hobs fucked then?” I asked in frustration.

“Yeah’, he replied. Calm down, you get so stressed out at the time of year!”

Great! The week before Christmas and I now need to go buy a hob for the cooker. Otherwise, it would be Christmas dinner out of the microwave.

So, when I said earlier that all Mum’s get totally stressed out at Christmas, I now understand. The following is my ‘To do Christmas present list’.

ME TO BUY FOR

  • Kids
  • James
  • Grandparents
  • Great-Grandparents
  • Sisters
  • James’ family
  • Cousins
  • Aunts & Uncles
  • Creche staff
  • Friends

 

JAMES TO BUY FOR

  • The Wife

 

No matter how organised you try and be, there are always things to stress you out and leave you running around like a headless turkey! Just keep telling yourself it will all be worth it, when you see the wee faces light up on Christmas morning after Santa has been.

So, all that is left to say is I hope you have a very merry Christmas and Santa is good to you all! X

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