The Mummy Diaries: pregnancy week 35

The Mummy Diaries: pregnancy week 35

by Emma Hargan
article from Monday 21, May, 2018

THESE LAST few weeks of pregnancy are definitely the longest siege in the whole nine month process! I remember with Jamie, once my maternity leave started, I was able to have long lies, washing and sorting out all the new baby clothes, take naps in the afternoon and just put my feet up and chill. Sounds good right?

Wrong! Not with a toddler in tow!

Monday morning started off well. Jamie woke up in good form and after breakfast, I got him changed and dressed for the day. He was happy playing with his toys and watching a bit of Toy Story while I sorted out the washing from the weekend and started getting the house back into some kind of liveable state. 

Got all the dishes done – check! Jamie – playing happily!

Washing machine filled and on – check! Jamie – playing happily!

Dusted downstairs – check! Jamie – playing happily!

This was brilliant, the wee angel was letting me crack-on and get stuff done. So, I took a chance, and nipped upstairs to make the beds and tidy up while I had peace to do so. All the cupboards and utilities have child locks, there’s guards everywhere, and anything even slightly dangerous is way out of reach. 

The thing with an almost-2-year-old that I’ve learned is that they lure you into a false sense of security. At least when they’re screaming, you know where they are and what they are doing. The silence is when to worry.

After getting carried away and spending a whole three minutes upstairs, I dashed downstairs to find Jamie nowhere to be seen! Frantically running around the house, checking all the doors, oh Jesus! – he’s been kidnapped or he’s escaped out of the door or…

He’s hiding behind the ironing basket with his nappy changing bag covered head-to-toe in bloody Sudocrem! 

When I say he was covered, he looked like Casper the ghost with two wee eyeballs. I don’t need to tell any of you mummies how much of a nightmare Sudocrem is to wipe off. It was in his hair, on the walls, the floor and of course, all over the clean washing in the ironing basket. Just lovely! 

Okay, only thing for it was to run a bath and get him stripped and scrubbed down. I noticed then he had some in his mouth. I quickly read the ingredients and sticker on the tub which states ‘If consumed, seek medical advice’. Oh Lord, how do I explain to James that I poisoned our son with Sudocrem when he comes home?! 

I grabbed the house phone and called the ‘Now Doc’. After listening to an automated message about being busy, I left our number on the messaging service and a brief description of what had happened, for someone to call me back. In the meantime, I thought I would get Jamie cleaned up. When I lifted him, he started screaming as obviously was having a great time making as much mess as possible. 

Then the doorbell rings... Shit! I put Jamie into his playpen still screaming and ran to the door hoping to find someone standing selling tickets for something – or a survey – but no. It was time for Jamie’s two-year-check-up with the Public Health Nurse and she was in the area and thought she would “pop-in and make the appointment”. Just fantastic timing! Although she couldn’t see Jamie, she could hear him screaming, me standing at the door covered in Sudocrem trying to smile and come across as cool as you like – and then the phone rings…

The nurse tells me to go ahead and answer the phone while she was flicking through her diary for an appointment. I reluctantly answer, “Hello?”

“This is the nurse calling you back from the Now Doc Service, is everything ok?” Oh Jesus, I can hardly explain what has happened in front of the public health nurse now, unfit mother alert !!

I replied, “No I’m not interested thank you” and quickly hung up the phone.

By this time, the nurse had got a date and time, and to be honest – she could have arranged the appointment on Christmas day and I would have agreed, just to get her away! She was lovely but I knew she must have been thinking, ‘this mother is a total nutter’.

Finally, door closed, I went through to find Jamie in the playpen still top to toe in cream and everything in the playpen smeared as well now. After a good bath and new clothes on him, and me, I had remembered about the phone call to the Now Doc. I rang them back again and explained to the nurse what had happened with the Sudocrem. After a lengthy lecture telling me to always keep medication and creams away from babies and children, she advised to just keep an eye on him for the next 12 hours for any allergic reaction and if any problems, to bring him in to the doctor, however, that would be an extremely rare incident.

It was only Monday morning. James came home that evening and asked about our day.

“Oh, all was quiet with us, how about you?”

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